Life Is More

I was thinking about how my future prospects have changed a lot. I'm sure most people have experienced that feeling of life being all about *something*. What the "something" is always depends on the person. For me, that something used to be swimming, food, school, and other things. 

Different people feel different things. That's very obvious. Everyone has different aspirations and goals. Some people have that one thing that they constantly work towards, others are unsure, and others perhaps have a myriad of things they work towards. All are certainly valid, especially if they can maximize their happiness. I am a person with control issues, and I tend to become hyper focused on things. When I'm really into something, I am really really into it. This is both a blessing and a curse. It means I can concentrate, but it also means I get tunnel vision. It also means that sometimes, I think I can only have one thing. Frankly, that was the way it was before. I have my list of priorities, and that top thing takes precedence over everything else. 

I wonder if this is how other people live as well. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with living like that. Some of my happiest times were when I put school above everything else. Talking to friends? My boyfriend? I picked talking with my professors and studying. When I did that, it was one of the best summers of my life. It was amazing. But then I realized I didn't have to pick. So I didn't. 

And suddenly, I had it all. I had a loving boyfriend that I would talk with every day, and I had a fruitful school life. I even had quality family time. It was the best of all worlds. Truly, once I stopped picking and let myself have more, simply in moderation, I was the happiest I'd ever been. Initially, I completely attributed my newfound happiness to my boyfriend, but the reality was that it wasn't only him. It was also this feeling of truly enjoying life. I could have it all if I wanted. 

I think this is largely true for everyone. There is more to life than just school, just friends, just work, etc. And you are allowed to enjoy everything if you want to. And if you don't want to, you don't have to. Whatever maximizes your happiness is the best for you. But I still think it's important to recognize that there is more to life than one thing. 

This also applies to the future. I used to be so invested in my studies that I had this whole plan of going to grad school and becoming a professor at my university. And then I realized I wanted something else. I wanted to take a breath to enjoy my relationship and enjoy the world (assuming covid allows). I felt a bit bad at first, but then I realized that again, there is more to life than studying and a career. I want to build a life with people, not alone. I still have my aspirations. They're just different. I'd rather build something more solidly off of writing and enjoy studying in my own time. And that's completely okay. 

I guess all I wanted to say is that there is simply more to life. In general. Whatever one may think life is, there is more. Maybe it hasn't been discovered yet. Maybe it's being pushed aside while something else takes precedence. Priorities are important—I still have them, of course—but something being a priority doesn't mean you can't have other things. If you want something, you can fight for it. You're not guaranteed to have it, but you can fight for it. And that's worth something. 

Life's too short to not fight for what you want. And it's too short to not realize life is and can be more than what you might think it is.