Most people have something or another that they're putting off processing. I have my fair share of things. But isn't it hard to figure out when you need to process things? Is it when you have nightmares? Is it when you have something like a panic attack or anxiety attack? How is one to decide when to face the past?
This isn't something that someone can tell you "now is the time". It's completely up to the person to decide and sense. Putting it off forever certainly isn't the best way to approach things, but I do think a certain extent of preparation and putting it off is necessary to grow healthily.
Back when I was a competitive swimmer, I went through a lot of stuff that I don't even remember. I tried to process it a few times, but it never really stuck. A while back, I figured I would try to take it on again because it was affecting me to the point that it was preventing me from functioning normally. And then something really good happened, and I decided I would enjoy the happiness instead of wallowing in the past. And I put it off again. Initially, I felt guilty for trying not to deal with this huge part of my life that remains haunting me today. But then I tried to think about why I felt guilty for doing so. I was trying to prioritize myself and my feelings—why should I feel guilty about that?
Ultimately, it is your life to live, and you have to call all the shots. It's ridiculous to feel guilty over a decision made by yourself for yourself. Now, I don't feel guilty. Now, I actually feel ready to process things.
I think that might be the sign of actually being ready to process one's past: it doesn't mean as much anymore. There was guilt attached to the action because it was something significant; you don't feel guilty about something you don't care about, after all. The detachment, in a way, perhaps is necessary. How is one to heal from something if they cannot view the situation at least a bit objectively? At least, that's my view.
But therein comes the difficult question of how is one to approach actually processing these things? I don't know. I honestly don't know what you're supposed to do because it depends on the person and the situation. But I think the first step is always going to be acceptance: accepting you need to process this and get through it to finally let it go and/or learn from it. This doesn't even have to apply to "serious" things—it can be about any number of incidences from one's past. For me, it would be swimming and various relationships (including my relationship with myself).
This isn't something that someone can tell you "now is the time". It's completely up to the person to decide and sense. Putting it off forever certainly isn't the best way to approach things, but I do think a certain extent of preparation and putting it off is necessary to grow healthily.
Back when I was a competitive swimmer, I went through a lot of stuff that I don't even remember. I tried to process it a few times, but it never really stuck. A while back, I figured I would try to take it on again because it was affecting me to the point that it was preventing me from functioning normally. And then something really good happened, and I decided I would enjoy the happiness instead of wallowing in the past. And I put it off again. Initially, I felt guilty for trying not to deal with this huge part of my life that remains haunting me today. But then I tried to think about why I felt guilty for doing so. I was trying to prioritize myself and my feelings—why should I feel guilty about that?
Ultimately, it is your life to live, and you have to call all the shots. It's ridiculous to feel guilty over a decision made by yourself for yourself. Now, I don't feel guilty. Now, I actually feel ready to process things.
I think that might be the sign of actually being ready to process one's past: it doesn't mean as much anymore. There was guilt attached to the action because it was something significant; you don't feel guilty about something you don't care about, after all. The detachment, in a way, perhaps is necessary. How is one to heal from something if they cannot view the situation at least a bit objectively? At least, that's my view.
But therein comes the difficult question of how is one to approach actually processing these things? I don't know. I honestly don't know what you're supposed to do because it depends on the person and the situation. But I think the first step is always going to be acceptance: accepting you need to process this and get through it to finally let it go and/or learn from it. This doesn't even have to apply to "serious" things—it can be about any number of incidences from one's past. For me, it would be swimming and various relationships (including my relationship with myself).
Processing things is a natural part of life. But it's not really fun. But it'll be worth it, I'm sure.
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