I don't know if everyone experiences this, but I know that it's at least fairly common to have gaps in memory. This piece is going to be purely from my experiences. Not research—just first-hand experience. I have gaps in my memory, usually due to traumatic events. The scary thing, though, is that digging into those locked up memories has affected how I act and view people now.
What's up with this seeming transformation? Does that mean that we go through different versions of ourselves and revert and update as time passes? It's fascinating that this can actually happen without the person noticing. It's also interesting how sometimes those voices inside your head are not even you. That's pretty terrifying. I don't know how normal that is, but it doesn't seem like something that would be rare. Maybe the extent differs depending on the person, but internalizing things isn't as hard as one may think—especially if the something is negative, unfortunately.
I suppose we all grow over time and change as people. Again, the extent probably differs, and a lot of things also stay the same. On the other hand, a lot of things can change, too. And it can be scary when you don't really understand why things are changing. The fact that we can't understand ourselves is pretty crazy when you think about it. There are so few explanations to us. But we walk around like "yeah, that's alright". That's truly incredible.
Is all this just the same as the fact that allegedly digestion is really painful but our brain just tells us "oh that's normal; it's chill" so it doesn't hurt? Are we okay with not understanding things or ourselves because it just can't be helped? I really don't know if that's how it should be. I don't think we should have existential crises all the time, but shouldn't we be more interested? Shouldn't we care more about these things that so greatly affect our lives all the time? I want to know when I'm changing as a person. I wish those around me knew as well.
I know I feel scared to fill in the gaps. It's always hard to face things from your past. But should we be okay with not knowing? I really don't think so. I think we shouldn't get comfortable in our ignorance. In a way, isn't it just giving up if you say "I don't need to know that"?
We all have our own pace at which we can deal with things—and deal with life. But forever being comfortable in ignorance is no good life. I don't want to face my past; it's hard. But I feel like it's necessary to do so to allow myself to grow from those experiences—and not make the same mistakes again.
Maybe then I can see when I'm changing and how—and most importantly, why.
What's up with this seeming transformation? Does that mean that we go through different versions of ourselves and revert and update as time passes? It's fascinating that this can actually happen without the person noticing. It's also interesting how sometimes those voices inside your head are not even you. That's pretty terrifying. I don't know how normal that is, but it doesn't seem like something that would be rare. Maybe the extent differs depending on the person, but internalizing things isn't as hard as one may think—especially if the something is negative, unfortunately.
I suppose we all grow over time and change as people. Again, the extent probably differs, and a lot of things also stay the same. On the other hand, a lot of things can change, too. And it can be scary when you don't really understand why things are changing. The fact that we can't understand ourselves is pretty crazy when you think about it. There are so few explanations to us. But we walk around like "yeah, that's alright". That's truly incredible.
Is all this just the same as the fact that allegedly digestion is really painful but our brain just tells us "oh that's normal; it's chill" so it doesn't hurt? Are we okay with not understanding things or ourselves because it just can't be helped? I really don't know if that's how it should be. I don't think we should have existential crises all the time, but shouldn't we be more interested? Shouldn't we care more about these things that so greatly affect our lives all the time? I want to know when I'm changing as a person. I wish those around me knew as well.
I know I feel scared to fill in the gaps. It's always hard to face things from your past. But should we be okay with not knowing? I really don't think so. I think we shouldn't get comfortable in our ignorance. In a way, isn't it just giving up if you say "I don't need to know that"?
We all have our own pace at which we can deal with things—and deal with life. But forever being comfortable in ignorance is no good life. I don't want to face my past; it's hard. But I feel like it's necessary to do so to allow myself to grow from those experiences—and not make the same mistakes again.
Maybe then I can see when I'm changing and how—and most importantly, why.
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